When I wrote my book “Butch Sexology – Tales from the Erotic Zone”, I was keenly aware that many people have no idea what the butch/femme dynamic is all about. In fact, it is probably one of the least understood of the lesbian relationships. There are many subtle nuances between the two partners and this may be entirely sexual in nature and it may come down to some honest to goodness role playing from time to time.
What matters most is the level of comfort between the two people. People often ask what makes a butch “butch”? A femme woman I once knew described it as well as anyone. She said ‘It is a certain swagger in the way you carry yourselves…it’s as if you swaggered right out of the womb.”
Let’s be clear. Butch women do not want to be men. If they did, then they would be classified as transexual and that is a whole different ball game. No, butch women simply feel and relate to things more masculine. They identify as male in the way that they think and the way that they carry themselves, dress and behave. Yet, when it boils right down to it, they do not WANT to be men.
I, for one, would be quite sad if I no longer had the sensations that go along with my female genitalia and I am quite attached to my body the way that it is. As far as why femme women are attracted to butch women, well the most common response that I have ever gotten in all these years is, “you make us feel comfortable and vulnerable, all at the same time.” Many times I have been told that I am ‘the best of both worlds’ and I can understand the attraction. While I may look a little like a man, I still have the soft features of a female. While I am strong and enjoy doing guy things, I’m still soft and tender. I don’t have rough whiskers and hairy legs. I’m a girl underneath it all. This is the hardest part for people to understand. In “Butch Sexology” I tried to show how even though there were roles between the two partners, they were still both women with the same needs and desires.
I get it. I really do. All I can say is that it takes all kinds to make the world go ’round. I don’t sit and ponder what makes women attracted to men, so I don’t really understand why men are so interested in what makes women attracted to me? I don’t understand why people cannot just understand that in the end, we are all just human beings. Everyone wants somebody to love and it is more about how the souls connect than anything else. Love is love, purely and simply. The heart knows what it wants.