This morning I stumbled out of bed, made my way to the coffee pot and started my morning coffee. I fed the cats and then the dog, strictly because they are more loud in their demands and I really can’t stand the crying first thing in the mornings. “Eat and stop disturbing my peace.”
The dog patiently waits as he dances in a circle. He’s always happy to see me. I let him wolf down his breakfast as I go put on shoes. I know that he’ll need to potty as soon as he’s done. I’m lucky that he’ll actually eat first and then go outside most of the time.
We do our walk and get back to a fresh pot of coffee. As is becoming my morning habit, I pour myself some coffee and I walk to the porch, where I sit in the morning silence and just ‘think’.
My mind wanders from being mildly annoyed that I’m not selling as many books as I’d like, to the things that I know my readers enjoy reading. Somehow, I end-up thinking about relationships that haven’t worked out and I have that moment where I feel compelled to send a letter or an email or something to the last one and tell her how much she hurt me, how pissed-off I am that she didn’t care enough to fight for me or listen to me or show me that she cared about me the same way I was willing to do for her.
Suddenly I realize that this is the same self-defeating behavior that has kept me in relationships that weren’t right in the past. How many of you have found yourself going back to someone, even when you KNEW it wasn’t ‘right’ in some way? It is as if we find ourselves alone and resentful or needy so we contact them. Look at how many times Chandler went back to Janice on Friends! 😉 It’s really a great example. He kept going back to someone that annoyed the crap out of him because he didn’t want to be alone.
Finally, I’ve reached a point in my life where I can say to myself, “NO MORE JANICE’S!!” I’m waiting for the right one and I love myself and respect myself enough to wait. I’m okay with being alone and I’m okay with me, just the way I am. Never again will I change for someone or try to be something that I’m not just so someone else feels okay with me. I’m me. I’m happy and I’m empowered. I’m okay with me.
You should be okay with YOU too! Don’t change. Be who you are. The right person is going to come along one day and you’ll be SO glad that you waited. Don’t let life get you down. Remember that as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you WILL eventually get to where you are going. Falling down along the way is okay. Fall forward. 😉