A Boi and Hys Toys – Dirty Talk

The original Butch Sexology.


This is inspired by a conversation that took place on wall in a group on facebook. I’m hoping that some of those folks will jump in here and comment too!

The conversations in my favorite group on FB are always raw, to the point and very informative. The anonymity that the group affords us seems to give everyone the brass balls to say whatever they want…and I love it. 🙂

So recently, we had a great conversation about butches and their strap-ons. I think this was informative for the femmes in the group…but it was also eye-opening as to how some femmes were very understanding about it and others were absolutely clueless.

As a butch, I get asked by women, “what does that do for you?”…or “but how does that feel good for you?” I KNOW that they are asking because they are 1) curious and 2) they care. Typically, this is a question that a lover will ask you when they just don’t get it. For me though…sometimes I hate having to explain it. It’s sort of personal but I can see where there is a need for understanding. So…here it is:

Here’s my BEST response to your questions about what it is like for a butch who wears a strap-on or for the butch who ‘packs’. First of all, let’s talk about ‘packing’ because I think that it is a great lead-in topic!


Packing – This is the term used to describe the practice of wearing a dildo in one’s pants while out in public. There are some who will wear a regular dildo, though this is difficult and really rather impractical. What MOST butches do, is wear a packer, especially made for wearing out in public. These are designed to replicate a penis in its relaxed state, which makes it much more comfortable to wear. There are even special harnesses to accommodate these or even specially designed underwear that will bind and hold these in a special “pocket” in the front.

NOW…there’s going to be questions here. First of all, “Who would want to wear a dildo all day long?” Let me answer that one really quick. Anyone who sees themselves as more masculine, or is in the process of transitioning (FTM), or even someone who is identifying as ‘gender queer’ may simply feel more “right” by having this “gear” on and even being able to use a men’s restroom by using one of the devices that allows you to actually pee through it and use a urinal (with some practice).

So for some people, these handy little devices actually help them rectify (in their own minds) something that is missing and troubling to them. It brings their image of self into alignment and makes them feel better about how they are seen and identified. Now, I may not have said that in the best way…I am not trans. I invite my trans friends to please, tell us if you pack for the reasons about and if so, how does it make you feel? I’d like to specifically hear your words about dysphoria and how this may play into it all.

I fall into the ‘recreational user’ category myself. Wearing a packer out on a date and surprising the one you are with by rubbing up against them can certainly be a hot reminder of what your plans are for later. In the right setting, at the right time…it can certainly take foreplay to a whole new level. I’m just into being playful sexually, so I fall into the category of butch boi who likes to pack on occasion for fun. It makes me feel playfully dirty and naughty.


This can really be interesting, because it can vary for many butches. From MY personal experience…I have a connection to a strap-on that is very mental. I get into a frame of mind that actually helps me ‘feel’ everything when I am inside of a woman. My imagination goes to work and with each stroke, the harness rubs against my clit and I honestly imagine the sensation of my cock inside of her and her pussy being the thing that I feel ‘rubbing’ me. This is intense for me…just as much as if someone were going down on me with their tongue. In fact, in some ways and at some times, it actually can be more intense depending on the position we are in. I know exactly which positions get me off and when I’m ready, I will switch to those positions, but generally not until I know that I’ve satisfied my partner many times over. That’s just a butch thing. <shrug>

For me, sex is more mentally stimulating than it is physically stimulating. I am driven to please the one that I am with. Getting my partner off typically gets me off. Watching my strap-on stroke in and out of her is so hot and sexy that I can cum just watching. I never get tired of admiring a gorgeous body with curves in all the right places. It makes me hot and bothered just thinking about it. Knowing that I am making her feel good is especially important. Her body amazes me, like a child with a new toy, I’m in another world and I’m mesmerized. I’m ‘in the zone’ so to speak.

This is where the mental stimulation comes into play. While I may not need a woman to touch my clit, lick me or even use her fingers to touch me ( though that is almost always welcome in my case ), what I NEED in order to get off when wearing a strap-on, is to feel her hands on my body, her lips on my neck or my chest. Running her fingers through my hair and mumbling in moans of pleasure will make me crazy…but her touch will bring me right into the orgasm that she herself is having. Whisper something dirty in my ear and I am absolute putty in your hands and I become your sex servant. Kisses, touches, fingernails…anything to bring my body and hers as close as possible, in such a way that I feel that I could almost crawl right inside of her and take her over with my energy and my ‘butch swagger’. I know that when I am in control of her body, in this fashion, she is on fire and that the pleasure we both feel is far more than physical. It’s a place that we go to together, mentally and spiritually. When both people are fully involved and submersed into this butch femme dance, the climax will truly take them both to heights of ecstasy that will rock both with pleasure over and over that cannot be described adequately.

In fact, even if I am not wearing a strap-on and my fingers are inside of her and feeling the amazing velvety soft skin of the inside of her body, the way that she touches me will give me the exact same responses. My body reacts to her pleasure and her ability to relay this pleasure to me through her touch, her whispers, her kisses and her moans. Feeling her hips move against me and ride my fingers inside of her, makes me shudder with pleasure and become driven to satisfy her every sexual desire.

God…I love being a butch.


Categories: equal rights, erotica, gay lesbian, lesbian, love | Tags: , , , , , | 26 Comments

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26 thoughts on “A Boi and Hys Toys – Dirty Talk

  1. Well I loves it. I was kinda curious. I lived life as a hetero for 37 years before I met the most amazing woman. Her’s the boi. And she likes toys of this nature and while we HAVE talked about this, it wasn’t put quite as directly as it is here. So, as always! Fun to read!

    • I normally can be pretty direct about this stuff. To tell you the honest truth, up until about 5 years ago…I was very shy about sex and talk about sex. I’m not sure what happened to me, but I finally woke-up and got comfortable with who I am. I’m glad if what I say can be helpful in any way and if it incites good conversations here, I’d be even happier!

      • Yeah, I certainly appreciate it. Eliminates the need for questions! LOLs. Not that I mind asking though either. But its refreshing to just be able to converse clearly, you know? and I very much hope that it does bring more conversation. Certainly find myself in this amazing territory I’m largely unfamiliar with so it’s all pretty much exciting to me!

  2. Ruby

    Very much enjoyed your descriptioness….Thanks for sharing….

  3. I really love how you write so openly about the experience, really fleshing out (so to type) the little bit of dialogue that started in the group. I have yet to experience being with someone who wears a strap-on; and yet thanks to having read this, I totally have a sense of what it would be like. So I have now added a new fantasy to my repertoire! Thank you so very much, Syr.

  4. Rhett

    Jessie…I totally remember this convo in our group….I agree totally with what wearing a dick does to my mind….I am not a trans man but…I do like to soft pack at a bar…like you for later…great topic….keep em coming

  5. Kristin

    I thought it very interesting that you bring the idea that it can be more mental than physical because that is so true. Being a femme, I have found that you definately have to respect a butch and let them be comfortable in who they are. It took me awhile to get used to a dildo but once I understood the mental part of what it means I loved it .

    • Kristin, the main thing is that both people should respect what makes the other person turned-on. Not all women (or men for that matter) get off with the same things or the same positions, etc. If you CARE about the person you are with, then you definitely should be concerned about how and what they are feeling. If you don’t have any emotional connection to the person, but you are sleeping with them strictly for the sex…then you still should care, because the sex is going to be SO MUCH BETTER if you are both doing things that make the other one feel comfortable and excited.

      • kristinjuneau

        I totally agree with you because once I had more understanding I really found what I really wanted and enjoyed it so much more..

      • Yes! I believe it is about the “shared” emotions and experience. You know…some butches are ashamed of the strap-on and embarrassed by it…even though it gives them so much pleasure. Someone understanding them is the difference in being truly happy versus, hiding in a way that is worse than just being ‘in the closet’.

      • kristinjuneau

        Yes exactly

  6. Whyte Raven

    Thank you Jesse , for such an awesome read . I have to admit to getting myself turned in while reading it ! As I began to recall those magic times when my Butch has packed and we had such amazing fun! Just the very thought of knowing what the night was about to bring , once I discovered hy was packing made me so turned on . I found that i couldnt control my hands or my body , as i knew what pleasures lay ahead . As a Femme I understand that a Butchs cock has a special significance to them, but i don’t believe i have fully comprehend that unquie bond , It is almost sacred . Thank you for sharing .

    • You are most welcome for the ‘read with benefits’ 😉 LOL In all honesty, when you use the word sacred…I think that you might be close. To some of us, when a new gf and/or partner wants us to ‘get new gear’ for her…it can actually be very difficult for us. It’s like saying goodbye to a close friend. I don’t mind doing this for someone I really care about and I DO understand her mindset…but it is sort of like asking a child to give up their favorite stuffed animal. No to mention, that some women don’t stop to think about the COST of these sex toys! It’s NOTHING to spend $200 on a good harness and attachment! I have had my eye on an Aslan harness now for about two years and I simply can’t afford it. Maybe I can get them to sponsor my new book?? :))

  7. Wow! That was a perfect explaination! Damn! I LOVE butches! Thanks for sharing…

  8. And yes..a cold shower is desperately needed.. 😉

  9. piku

    “It’s a place that we go to together, mentally and spiritually. When both people are fully involved and submersed into this butch femme dance, the climax will truly take them both to heights of ecstasy that will rock both with pleasure over and over that cannot be described adequately”. So true!
    Thank you Jesse for the insight, so eloquent. I feel I understand a butch even beter now. 🙂

  10. Amber Marie Rogers

    Ive honestly had all of these feelings within my body and mind my whole life…. you literally took the words and thoughts right out of me and put them on paper. This is stuff we just dont talk about, and for you to come out and just say it and make it a blog for everyone to read and comment on is ground breaking. I never knew anybody else felt the exact same feelings as me. Its reasurring, has opened my eyes to feeling more accepted and makes me feel like I’m a part of something that has been missing and has been held inside for far too long. I really enjoyed this topic, its written perfectly. Good job Jesse! For real. Thank you.

  11. Novice

    I would like to get both a packer and a strap on, but I’m wondering if you know whether they have interchangeable ones, so that you don’t have to buy two seperate supports?

    • I’ve been told that there is a soft packer that has an extension that attaches over the top that becomes the ‘erect version’. This makes for a quick and easy transition. I don’t know off hand what it is called but I’m sure that if you search the internet you can find it! If you do, feel free to post it here!

  12. I agree with Amber” ,had all of these feelings within my body and mind my whole life…. you literally took the words and thoughts right out of me and put them on paper…I never knew anybody else felt the exact same feelings as me. Its reasurring, has opened my eyes to feeling more accepted and makes me feel like I’m a part of something that has been missing and has been held inside for far too long.”

    Thank you!

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