The twists and turns of life, the hours spent alone and in the late night hours at a booth in a restaurant – all alone, these small hours are the ones that stick with me. I reflect on my life. The things that remain with me are the interactions that I’ve had with people. I truly love the moments that life allows me to learn from another soul. Each encounter is a learning experience of some sort. At the end of 2012, I thank every person I’ve encountered along my path. I shall remember you all fondly as I make my way through 2013.
Each moment in my life has happened to bring me right here to where I am in this very moment, in the breath I just exhaled. To cling to the past is to not let today happen. I’ve learned this only this year. Thank you 2012 for that lesson. Thanks to the people to helped me learn this lesson. I think of you fondly, not with any anger or resentment, nor will I cling to any pain in letting you go. It was the right thing to do. The lessons may have been hard, but you touched my life with a beautiful gift. You’ve given me a clear vision, a new perspective and knowledge I didn’t have before. Thank-you.
As I often do, I’m moving on. Today, I am 1168 miles away from a woman who has managed to slip silently back into my life and grace me with her presence. Today is 53 days from the day I promised her that I’d be back in her life. She doesn’t often tell me exactly what she’s thinking but when she does, she’s amazing. She said to me, “It’s beautiful here. The snow and Christmas lights are so beautiful. You should be here. You need to come home. I miss you.”
She has never, not one time, judged me. She doesn’t analyze my life or tell me that I should change anything. She completely takes me as I am. This is new to me. Strangely, this is what I’ve craved my whole life. I have long sought someone to take me as I am and not treat me as someone to be ‘saved’ or changed in some way. What I’ve wanted was someone to come along with me and grow with me. 😉 That means being a bit of a child with me from time to time too. 🙂
I’m sad that I can’t be with her right now but we need our time to get to know each other again. She’s been through a lot and so have I. She’s so brave for the things she’s faced and the challenges that she’s met in her life. She should know that I am in awe of her and proud of her. I think perhaps we’ve been on a quest to find ourselves? I’m reminded of that expression that if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. Well, DJ has come back to find me after two whole years. I can’t believe that she still wanted me in her life enough to reach out to me after all this time. I am truly overwhelmed and humbled. Now I am trying to get back to her.
Two years since we’ve seen each other and I sit at this truck stop, separated by 1168 miles. Tonight she will celebrate NYE with others and I’ll be here alone. The clock ticks away the days I’ve promised her. On Christmas Eve I promised her I’d be back in 60 days. She told me she would hold me to that. She sighed a lot. I asked her why. She told me they were happy sighs…very happy sighs. Her email this morning said, “53 days!”
She told me in November that she was going to ‘snatch me up’ and I’m thinking to myself that this sounds okay with me. I’ve always been a free spirit and I think that I need someone who can let me be that and figure out how to love me at the same time. Forgive me, DJ, because I think you are reading this … it may be presumptuous, but I think you may be that person? Without sounding too much like a love struck moron, I want you to be that person.
So here I sit, needing two tires desperately. One would actually do because I could use my spare tire on the other and then keep the better of the two I take off and use it as a spare to get off the road in a pinch. I feel like the person I waited my whole life for is 1168 miles away from me and it may as well be on the other side of the planet right now. It’s winter in Illinois too. NOTHING is going to make this easy. I have no idea how I am going to keep warm for a few weeks when I get there. I don’t really care. I have faith that it will be okay.
We tried this once before. The timing was awful and you were not in a good place. I probably wasn’t in the greatest place in my life either – God knows I still had a lot of lessons to learn. I could never have given you what you needed two years ago. You weren’t able to give your heart to me either. Now here we are. I think that we’re ready now aren’t we?
1168 miles, 53 days … and it’s the heart that really matters in the end. ❤ ❤ ❤