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I Am A Book


I feel like an old book, bound in leather of the highest quality that has become soft and worn over the last 45 years. I’ve seen so very much and I’ve traveled all around, from person to person. I’ve been touched by those who are puzzled and confused by me and perhaps even more so after browsing my chapters. Some have closed my cover shut without even taking much of a look. Their loss. A few came along and read a chapter or two and then just put me down. What a shame that they didn’t take the time to read my entire story, feel the things I’ve felt and let their eyes see the things which I have seen.

leather book

When it comes to the chapters entitled “Love” my pages are nearly blank. Some of the words have faded and become hard to read, though they are still there to see. Like a work from Shakespeare, it has been mostly written as tragedy. None of that matters much though, as I’ve come to learn. Life is about how much we love ourselves and learn to do what is right and true. These are lessons that I guess I just always knew…but perhaps my soul had forgotten? Sometimes I feel lonely and I wish for someone to hold my hand and snuggle with at night. I know she’s out there somewhere and I just need to keep turning the pages until she is written into my story.

After “Love” comes an entire chapter on “Forgiveness” and I’ve found that it is the key. I’ve re-read every word in this chapter over and over and sometimes I still forget things, so I read them again. Practice makes perfect. Holding on to anger only hurts me. I am learning to forgive and move on. I’ve spent the last few months turning pages and starting a new chapter.

I’m about to embark on a new journey and I am closing another chapter of my life. Just as I have always brought you all along, I will do so again. I have been presented with an AMAZING opportunity and it literally fell into my lap through a connection I had made over the past year or so. I’ve been asked to come to California and be a foreman of a small ranch. There will be rescued mustangs to take care of and rehabilitate. There will be rescued dogs in a kennel to take care of and do some training and socializing. I have been told that I’ll be in charge of most everything that pertains to the property, including doing some planting of small-scale crops, fruit trees and so forth.

I cannot tell you how excited I am about this opportunity because it will give me the ability to help others a little more now. I will also not be living in my RV. I’ll have an apartment on the property that will become my home and I truly don’t take that for granted. I have not lived in a “home” with actual electricity and running water in almost three years. I’m grateful and so ready to get this new adventure started. The “boss” knows that I write and told me that I’ll have the use of a vehicle and that I’m more than welcome to venture into the city and work on my book connections and do signings. I won’t be too far from San Francisco and Oakland, so I hope to get there and meet and greet some of you who are around.

The old RV will stay parked here, in Illinois and I plan on coming back every 12-18 months to see Mike, Sheila and the kids, as well as all my other friends from childhood that still live here. I’ve kept a low profile this time because I’m really coming off a couple of tough years and I honestly needed some alone time to put the pieces of me back together again. I apologize to some of you that I didn’t get a chance to see or didn’t stop on the way by. Please, don’t take it personally. When I say that I’ve become reclusive it is an understatement. I’m slowly coming back out of my shell. I just don’t work like everyone else and I need time alone to heal. I’m getting there. Thanks for understanding. I even took almost five weeks away from blogging or doing any writing at all, just so I could get quiet in my head and think.

I want to thank my friend Sheila for making this a grand summer. I’ve helped Mike with his cows a little, helped pick some corn here and there, gone camping for 11 days with her and the four kids, been hiking, shopping and got a LOT of work done around here! It’s been very memorable and meaningful to me. I know who my family truly is.

Speaking of family…I did reconnect with an aunt and uncle. Only living relatives I’ve spoken to in about 15 years, so that is good. Hopefully, I’ll have dinner with them before I blow town. To all of you, thanks for indulging me, thanks for your input, your emails and comments and for being the catalyst that helps me to keep going. I truly appreciate every single one of you who read my blogs, buy my books and follow me on Facebook.

On to the next chapter…

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Categories: life lessons, love | Tags: , , , , | 6 Comments

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6 thoughts on “I Am A Book

  1. I wish you all the best. But did I miss something? I thought it was FL and a project with the homeless? I’ve been on a bit of a sabbatical myself so if you disclosed a change of plans I missed that. A ranch and cows and dogs, an apartment and writing time sound great. Good luck!

    • As I said, this sort of fell into my lap and I have also been in touch with someone to help me produce the homeless project still and it doesn’t have to be in FL. There are plenty of them in California too. In fact, we are discussing the possibility of fixing up my RV and choosing someone to give it to. 🙂 A homeless person, of course.

  2. Lulu Todd

    Hey Jess,

    I am so thrilled for you, that you will be moving to California. Gee that new move, farm management, horses and dogs is right up your alley and with all that you’ve been through my friend it is a great way to move forward.

    I think we’re going to enjoy moving to California, I say “we” because as one of your adoring ‘stalkers” I have lived through many of your good and bad times. I cant say I’m disappointed that you are leaving the RV at Sheila’s place, or that you are moving to a much more gentler climate because to be honest, I don’t think my nervous system could live through you freezing your backside off in that refrigerator on wheels another winter… wondering if you’d wake up dead!

    I do hope this move to the west is the reward you deserve for all those times you went out of your way to help someone, the times you went without to share what little you had and the amount of times you have “paid something forward”! It’s about time the universe gave you something “big” in return, and this seems to be it…. Yay! You !!!

    Seize the day Jess! move to California, enjoy the hell outta your life… You’ve earned it my friend… I’ll be there along with the rest of the gang, enjoying, “vicariously”, the hell out of it with you… :0)

    Lulu

  3. mominthecloset

    I know this post is a little old, but I’m hoping you’ll find your way back here amidst all of the craziness of moving and settling in because I just wanted to say… CONGRATS!
    It is wonderful when things fall into our laps that have the ability to change our entire world. Good luck to you as you set out and I hope that you will come back and keep us updated. 🙂

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