Advertisements

Posts Tagged With: books

I Am A Book

I feel like an old book, bound in leather of the highest quality that has become soft and worn over the last 45 years. I’ve seen so very much and I’ve traveled all around, from person to person. I’ve been touched by those who are puzzled and confused by me and perhaps even more so after browsing my chapters. Some have closed my cover shut without even taking much of a look. Their loss. A few came along and read a chapter or two and then just put me down. What a shame that they didn’t take the time to read my entire story, feel the things I’ve felt and let their eyes see the things which I have seen.

leather book

When it comes to the chapters entitled “Love” my pages are nearly blank. Some of the words have faded and become hard to read, though they are still there to see. Like a work from Shakespeare, it has been mostly written as tragedy. None of that matters much though, as I’ve come to learn. Life is about how much we love ourselves and learn to do what is right and true. These are lessons that I guess I just always knew…but perhaps my soul had forgotten? Sometimes I feel lonely and I wish for someone to hold my hand and snuggle with at night. I know she’s out there somewhere and I just need to keep turning the pages until she is written into my story.

After “Love” comes an entire chapter on “Forgiveness” and I’ve found that it is the key. I’ve re-read every word in this chapter over and over and sometimes I still forget things, so I read them again. Practice makes perfect. Holding on to anger only hurts me. I am learning to forgive and move on. I’ve spent the last few months turning pages and starting a new chapter.

I’m about to embark on a new journey and I am closing another chapter of my life. Just as I have always brought you all along, I will do so again. I have been presented with an AMAZING opportunity and it literally fell into my lap through a connection I had made over the past year or so. I’ve been asked to come to California and be a foreman of a small ranch. There will be rescued mustangs to take care of and rehabilitate. There will be rescued dogs in a kennel to take care of and do some training and socializing. I have been told that I’ll be in charge of most everything that pertains to the property, including doing some planting of small-scale crops, fruit trees and so forth.

I cannot tell you how excited I am about this opportunity because it will give me the ability to help others a little more now. I will also not be living in my RV. I’ll have an apartment on the property that will become my home and I truly don’t take that for granted. I have not lived in a “home” with actual electricity and running water in almost three years. I’m grateful and so ready to get this new adventure started. The “boss” knows that I write and told me that I’ll have the use of a vehicle and that I’m more than welcome to venture into the city and work on my book connections and do signings. I won’t be too far from San Francisco and Oakland, so I hope to get there and meet and greet some of you who are around.

The old RV will stay parked here, in Illinois and I plan on coming back every 12-18 months to see Mike, Sheila and the kids, as well as all my other friends from childhood that still live here. I’ve kept a low profile this time because I’m really coming off a couple of tough years and I honestly needed some alone time to put the pieces of me back together again. I apologize to some of you that I didn’t get a chance to see or didn’t stop on the way by. Please, don’t take it personally. When I say that I’ve become reclusive it is an understatement. I’m slowly coming back out of my shell. I just don’t work like everyone else and I need time alone to heal. I’m getting there. Thanks for understanding. I even took almost five weeks away from blogging or doing any writing at all, just so I could get quiet in my head and think.

I want to thank my friend Sheila for making this a grand summer. I’ve helped Mike with his cows a little, helped pick some corn here and there, gone camping for 11 days with her and the four kids, been hiking, shopping and got a LOT of work done around here! It’s been very memorable and meaningful to me. I know who my family truly is.

Speaking of family…I did reconnect with an aunt and uncle. Only living relatives I’ve spoken to in about 15 years, so that is good. Hopefully, I’ll have dinner with them before I blow town. To all of you, thanks for indulging me, thanks for your input, your emails and comments and for being the catalyst that helps me to keep going. I truly appreciate every single one of you who read my blogs, buy my books and follow me on Facebook.

On to the next chapter…

Advertisements
Categories: life lessons, love | Tags: , , , , | 6 Comments

Butch On The Loose!

Nothing but open roads to explore.

Nothing but open roads to explore!

I’m pretty sure that by now, you all have decided that I am a little crazy. If you haven’t, then I have news for you … YOU are a little crazy. 😉

So earlier this week I was excited about the prospect of going back to Missouri and building a cabin. I have reconsidered for several reasons and I can’t tell you all of it but I’m going to attempt to try to explain myself as much as I can. First of all, I think I made the decision too quickly. I was down and out at the time, at the end of a relationship that brought me to FL when I didn’t really wanna be here and I was just looking for a way to get out of this state as soon as I could. The first thought I had was to go back to where I was before the relationship started. It seemed reasonable to me at the time. After thinking it over, however; I’m convinced that I am learning more about myself every single day and going to a place with four walls is probably not what I am supposed to do for me.

As much as I hate to admit it, my mother knew me pretty well. She told me once that she had dated a guy before my dad who was in the military. She’d often thought that if she’d met him her life would’ve been very different – she’d have traveled the world and seen places that she’d never see. She said, “… don’t get me wrong, I love your father, but I have often wondered about the choices of my life and where they’ve led me.”  Then she studied me from across the table and said, “You’re like me. You also have the wanderlust.” Sigh….yes, I do and it is a curse.

Taking all this into consideration and realizing that I do indeed have a lust for travel and exploring life, settling down doesn’t really seem to be in my cards. I’ve decided why fight it? I have a chance that most people will never have in their entire life. I can go anywhere and do whatever I want.

Right now, I am continuing work on a character from one of my books that is already out. I can’t say much about the new project, but it is exciting and this character is going to moving around a lot and doing a lot of different things. I thought to myself, ‘why not go do those things myself and write about all of it first hand?” Not to mention that I can take the opportunity to meet with friends and fans all along the way, right?

I’m not one of those people who has an endless wallet by any means, so I’ll be traveling on the cheap. “Cheap” meaning  in ways that include boondocking and working from truck stops. (Boondocking is an RV term for sleeping in parking lots. McDonald’s, Pilot, Flying J and Walmart all allow boondocking for free and all of them except Walmart have free wifi, unless you are lucky enough to find a Walmart with a McDonald’s inside.) Cheap in a way that means going without electricity and cooking by fire at times, by gas camp stove and eating out of cans from time to time. Cheap in ways that means walking all around the restaurant for an outlet to charge your cell phone and just ordering a cup of coffee while your phone charges. It’s all good. I’ve been in training for all of that these past few months. I’m ready to go to the cheap living Olympics! If cheap living is a competition, then I am winning!

This is your official invitation to follow me on my adventures through my blog and read about the places through my characters – more details will be forthcoming on all that very soon! You’ve all been following me along on adventures for a very long time, but now the rules are changing and I am changing playgrounds completely. I’m up for meeting some of you and enjoying some adventures out on the open road.

I have some things to get in order here before I leave. First of all, I need some new tires ($750 minimum) and I’m going to have to limp along while I get two at a time most likely. I have to fix my oil pan leak ($30 or so), I need some miscellaneous things to fix my RV like a window replaced ($40), fixing a water leak from toilet pressure valve ($20), and coating the roof with a stop leak seal ($20). I really need you guys to keep reading! Each time the ads below are viewed, I earn a little. Each time you borrow one of my books on Kindle, I earn a little. When you buy a paperback or e-book I earn a few bucks. I appreciate each and every one of you more than you know! Because you read my stories and books, I get to eat. I know what it’s like not to eat and if you don’t think I do, go back and read a few blogs! If you really like my stories, you can help me a great deal by passing on the links to my blog or my books to friends. For Christmas consider buying one of my books and giving it as a gift. Okay, I’m done with the advertising. 🙂

The plan I have right now is leave where I am around the end of December or first week of January and head towards Atlanta, GA. This is the hometown of my character I am working on and I look forward to spending some time in Sam’s hometown and just gelling with the city. If any of you are in the Atlanta area, I’d love to meet you and for you to show me things in your city that you think I just can’t miss while I am there. I expect to travel Northward as the weather gets warmer and would like to see about hitting parts of the East coast. If you have adventures there that you’d like to introduce me to, especially if they can be written about in story lines, then by all means send me a comment or an email and let me know! I’ll consider it all. As the weather gets cooler in the fall, I’ll swing out West most likely and make my way to warmer places by winter of 2013 again.

The places will come to me as I decide to move further down the road. For now, all I know is that I will start working my way towards GA within the next 3 weeks. Buy my books and help me keep trucking! 🙂

ChristmasCardAdvertisement

Click image to be taken to my Amazon author page and see books available for purchase or to be borrowed!

Categories: equal rights, erotica, Free Books, gay lesbian, lesbian, life lessons, self-help | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Long Distance Romance – by K’Anne Meinel

Do you believe in love? REAL love??

This book is great! I highly recommend it. K’Anne has created something that pulls at your heartstrings and has you drawn into the story, ready to cry. Watch the video, get the book! I insist! 🙂

 

Categories: equal rights, gay lesbian, lesbian, life lessons, love, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Emptiness

My latest book on Amazon.com

Writers have the ability to change the world by changing people’s minds. Writers can open minds, as people open their books. In a strange twist of realities, as you turn the pages of a book, a writer turns on your mind. A writer can bring you face to face with your worst fears and walk you to the edge of a cliff and force you to look down. Writers have the power to take you to other worlds and bring you back to reality. Being a good writer isn’t as easy as some would think and there are times that you find yourself wondering what it is all for.

Sometimes, when you are a writer, you find yourself blocked. You feel the need to write, you feel the emotions that you want to write, but you just can’t find the words to put it on paper. Writers are no different than other people in this world. The only thing that separates us is our ability to look at things from many perspectives and summarize situations for other people. A writer can torment and a writer can comfort but who comforts the writer and what are his torments? Is it true that some of the greatest artists and thinkers of our time have suffered great depressions and experienced tormented lives?

As I sit here and stare out the window at palm trees, my heart is yearning to say something … but I don’t know what. My state is melancholy and I feel as though I should write one of my greatest works at this very moment. Yet, when I look inside myself for the words and the feelings, the descriptions and the anecdotes … there’s nothing. Emptiness fills my chest and my mind. It’s black, cold and dark. I’m tired though I’ve done nothing all day.

It’s a holiday and the world is going on around me. I have no desire to participate. Twice today, people have reached out to me and I’ve found ways to avoid them. This is what I’ve done with my life. I’ve avoided people. I’ve avoided family, friends and any essential ties to anyone.

I published my first book this weekend. It’s a work on butch/femme erotica and I felt good about it until someone asked me if anyone threw me a book release party. It occurred to me that there was no one who would have or could have done such a thing for me. I’ve no one that close to me. The people who tried to be close to me, I’ve found ways to hurt, avoid and just quietly slip away from. In the loneliness and gloom that have been my life, the only joys I have found in recent years have been in writing. I delve into other worlds and pretend to be someone else. Fiction takes me outside of my own life and gives me relief from the pains, tragedies and heartaches that are my real life.

I dare say that I am not that different from many creative people out there. We see and experience so much from the world around us that we feel overwhelmed sometimes. Rainy days can make us depressed and a parade can take us back to childhood. A bite from a chocolate chip cookie and I find myself back in my grandmother’s kitchen, keenly aware of the smells, sounds and sensations of actually being in that room again. Everything the world does touches me, but on some level I have grown to not let the world in too deep. I keep that space for myself and only me. Emptiness.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: