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Posts Tagged With: learning

Growing Old Is Getting Old

 

It has been a wild ride, these last 50+ years. This winter, the shoulder pain has been tougher than ever. CBD oil helps immensely though!. If you’ve not tried it, I highly recommend it. The oil helps my ADD and pain. I also recommend turmeric with curcumin. That stuff is an amazing natural anti-inflammatory and scientists agree that it has benefits and warrants more research. It works wonders for arthritis and joint pains from injury. Aches and pains are just there to remind us of the fun we’ve had I suppose, but growing old really does get old some days!

It’s good to be back here in a space I have always held so near to my heart. Butch Ramblings was my healing journey and my happiness. Ramblings was my home for a long time. I blogged my way through isolation, heartache, stupidity, growing pains and more. Someone once said to me that it was’ time I settled down and put down roots somewhere.’ That life isn’t meant for everyone. It isn’t meant for me. I’m an adventurer.

Don’t let people tell you what to do. You do what is best for yourself and you’ll always be fine. Trust me on that. These are my roots right here. This is my legacy. This website will be around long after I am gone. Hopefully that won’t be for a little while yet. On the other hand, if it happens tomorrow, I’m prepared. I’ve lived a good life and I’ve come to terms with most of the lessons I have learned along this path. I’ve had ups and I have had downs.

I’ve had many sleepless nights. I’ve had other nights where I have slept like a log. I have awakened with clarity over things I had been worried about. I’ve ruminated over a decision for far too long. I have still made the wrong choice. In fact, I’ve made a lot of bad choices. I’ve also made some pretty damned great choices. The universe is awesome that way because there is balance in everything we do. The wisdom that we receive, once we are open to it, is pretty amazing.

I have heard people whine about losing their trust of others. I’ve seen people place blame on everyone else in their life for all the messed up shit they have been neck deep in for years. At some point you have to take responsibility for yourself and realize that you’ve been an asshole to everyone around you and that’s why nobody sticks around. At some point you choose to trust or not to. You either get tired of living a life that is an empty shell or you get down in it and get dirty. Bathe in the mud!

I’m a mud bather. I admit it. If shit gets deep, I’ll swim out into it a little further just to see how deep it will get. I figure once I have some mud on my boots I may as well get really dirty. I take chances on people. I walk away from people fast too. Things that will get me to walk away fast are people who become passive aggressive. People who don’t know when to shut up or respect my space drive me cuckoo too. People who, in every single conversation, relive the past and place blame on other people constantly. That gets old really, really fast. At some point, stop being a victim in your own novel. Choose to be the hero.

That’s all of my deep thoughts for now. I’ll move on to reality. I am living with a friend who is letting me use her place as a staging area before I make a big move that I’m not quite ready to talk about yet. While here, I’m trying to help her as much as possible. She’s getting older and her house has been falling into disarray for the last few years. She broke her back and has had difficulty with mundane tasks. My goal is to do some work, help her put into place some things/processes that will make it easier for her to function, and make sure that she has what she needs to survive. Right now we are in the middle of showering her with Christmas gifts, thanks to so many Facebook friends! I’m so blessed to have really good, caring individuals that I’ve met there and I choose to keep them around in my life! Such GOOD we get accomplished as a tribe! Love and kindness really do go a long way in keeping people in your life.

I have plans to do some wildlife photography soon, while I still can. I’m writing again, while I still can. Last year I was diagnosed with diabetic retinopathy. In other words, the capillaries in the backs of my eyes have been bleeding. It clouds the vision over time. It has slowed drastically with my blood sugar more under control but the odds of me going blind in time are very high. My eyesight is not what it used to be and I have issues already. I miss little typos here and there. The doctors at the Kittner Eye Institue in Chapel Hill, NC,  also noticed that I have a cataract on my left eye. It isn’t really operable and it is from scar tissue, likely from blunt force trauma. Apparently, according to them, I’ve had it my whole life since infancy. It is very old and that explains a lot about my sensitivity to light. Lasting effects from childhood abuse I presume but don’t really know for sure. At any rate, my vision is an issue but I don’t intend to let it stop me. When the time comes, I’ll see about voice recognition software and dictate.

I’ve been playing guitar again over this last year. I promised myself that I’d do something for myself, personally enriching, for my 50th year on the planet. I’m having the time of my life with it. I used to noodle around with some chords a long time ago. I’ve picked guitars up and put them down a dozen times over the years. I never really got enthusiastically involved in practice and learning because I never really knew exactly where to start. Fender Play got me down the right path. Technology is so advanced these days that there are lessons online everywhere and I’m really absorbing them. I love it! Best thing I’ve ever done was to pick it up again.

I have plans to begin submitting articles, with wildlife and outdoor themes, to some magazines in the outdoor genre. I have lost a lot of weight in the last year and gained a little winter weight back but I’m on an indoor bike trainer that I was able to plop my Fuji mountain bike on so I am hoping to get that weight right back off plus some more. My mental state is free and easy these days. I’m not running from anything or to anything. I just AM. It’s a great place to be! I’m living life for me. I spread a little joy here and there and just work on being the best me that I can be. If everyone else did that, the world would be such a better place! Don’t you all agree?

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Categories: ADHD, aging, child abuse, death, life lessons, love, self-help, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Jaded Just Enough

Life is a beautiful journey. Embrace it.

There comes a time in our lives where, if we are lucky, we question ourselves; question our own motives and our reasons for existence. This doesn’t mean that we are jaded, and if we we think of ourselves in such a way then maybe it is actually a good thing? If we don’t question these things, then I would humbly suggest that we are not truly living. Knowing one’s place in the world is perhaps one of the greatest mysteries of life, yet it probably doesn’t have to be.

Perhaps it is from the wisdom of age that I have come to realize that life is not an appointment, nor is it a goal? Life is not an “achievement” or any one specific event. Life is a process of learning that is ever continuous and evolving. There is no perfect life, for perfection is subjective. What is right for one may be completely wrong for another. Life is a constant flow of energy, and even in death that energy doesn’t subside, it merely changes from one form of existence to another.

People come and go from our lives in order that we may have learning experiences. Our path and their path are quite different. At some points, our paths may cross and they may even run parallel to one another for a short period of time (even 50 years is but a bat of an eye in the realm of time and space), but eventually we part. This is an inevitable part of existence. Your soul and my soul may touch each other deeply and even have connections from previous lives, but we may not stay together, we must not. For in doing so, in clinging to another when the time has come to move on, we hold their soul back and keep them from continuing their journey and moving on to their next life lessons. Even more cruelly, we do the same thing to ourselves.

Knowing when to part ways is possibly the hardest part of the human condition. Our human form is encumbered with emotions that our soul does not necessarily get bogged down with. As humans, we want to be part of something. We find ourselves wishing for others to bring us happiness and quiet our fears. The fact is that our souls already know calm and quiet. Turning inward is the only true way to find peace and happiness, it will not come from beyond and outside of our own self. Many people go through life unable to take a true look at themselves and never fully learn that love begins with self.

This does not mean, by any means, that we think of ourselves as infallible or that we have learned every lesson. That is completely impossible. Humans are flawed. Do not be insulted that I say so. While it is true that we are flawed, it is also true that there is much beauty in imperfection and that indeed “perfection lies in the imperfection”. It is our imperfections that make us individuals and unique. Our ability to accept these imperfections and move on, learn lessons and assimilate the best from all lessons is what makes us successful human beings.

So when is it time to move on? I would say that for me, this is a lesson that I have been working on learning, diligently, for the past three years of my existence. After staying in two failing relationships that lasted over 6 and 7 years, respectively, the Universe saw fit to teach me some lessons in how to move on. Mind you, a person must be open to these lessons, or the Universe will continue to throw it at you over and over until you do. At some point, it may get quite painful for you. I assure you that when you finally “get it”, you will have a feeling of calm wash over you as the realization hits home. That’s when you’ll know what is right.

For me, the realizations often hit me as what I like to describe as ‘having an epiphany’. It’s like a bolt of thunder audible to only my own ears, something people often refer to as that “ah-ha moment”. When that inner voice says to you, “Why are you here? This IS NOT where you want to be is it?”  and you can stand and say, “No…in fact it isn’t, let’s go find out where I DO want to be”, that is when you’ll know it is time to move on. You’ll know it is the right decision when you feel relieved the instant you have moved on in your heart and with your feet. Whether it is a job you hate, a home you no longer find joy in, or a dinner conversation with someone that you suddenly realize being around only makes you feel stressed and unhappy…. when there is no joy to be found, it is time to move on.

 

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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