Posts Tagged With: travel

Growing Old Is Getting Old


It has been a wild ride, these last 50+ years. This winter, the shoulder pain has been tougher than ever. CBD oil helps immensely though!. If you’ve not tried it, I highly recommend it. The oil helps my ADD and pain. I also recommend turmeric with curcumin. That stuff is an amazing natural anti-inflammatory and scientists agree that it has benefits and warrants more research. It works wonders for arthritis and joint pains from injury. Aches and pains are just there to remind us of the fun we’ve had I suppose, but growing old really does get old some days!

It’s good to be back here in a space I have always held so near to my heart. Butch Ramblings was my healing journey and my happiness. Ramblings was my home for a long time. I blogged my way through isolation, heartache, stupidity, growing pains and more. Someone once said to me that it was’ time I settled down and put down roots somewhere.’ That life isn’t meant for everyone. It isn’t meant for me. I’m an adventurer.

Don’t let people tell you what to do. You do what is best for yourself and you’ll always be fine. Trust me on that. These are my roots right here. This is my legacy. This website will be around long after I am gone. Hopefully that won’t be for a little while yet. On the other hand, if it happens tomorrow, I’m prepared. I’ve lived a good life and I’ve come to terms with most of the lessons I have learned along this path. I’ve had ups and I have had downs.

I’ve had many sleepless nights. I’ve had other nights where I have slept like a log. I have awakened with clarity over things I had been worried about. I’ve ruminated over a decision for far too long. I have still made the wrong choice. In fact, I’ve made a lot of bad choices. I’ve also made some pretty damned great choices. The universe is awesome that way because there is balance in everything we do. The wisdom that we receive, once we are open to it, is pretty amazing.

I have heard people whine about losing their trust of others. I’ve seen people place blame on everyone else in their life for all the messed up shit they have been neck deep in for years. At some point you have to take responsibility for yourself and realize that you’ve been an asshole to everyone around you and that’s why nobody sticks around. At some point you choose to trust or not to. You either get tired of living a life that is an empty shell or you get down in it and get dirty. Bathe in the mud!

I’m a mud bather. I admit it. If shit gets deep, I’ll swim out into it a little further just to see how deep it will get. I figure once I have some mud on my boots I may as well get really dirty. I take chances on people. I walk away from people fast too. Things that will get me to walk away fast are people who become passive aggressive. People who don’t know when to shut up or respect my space drive me cuckoo too. People who, in every single conversation, relive the past and place blame on other people constantly. That gets old really, really fast. At some point, stop being a victim in your own novel. Choose to be the hero.

That’s all of my deep thoughts for now. I’ll move on to reality. I am living with a friend who is letting me use her place as a staging area before I make a big move that I’m not quite ready to talk about yet. While here, I’m trying to help her as much as possible. She’s getting older and her house has been falling into disarray for the last few years. She broke her back and has had difficulty with mundane tasks. My goal is to do some work, help her put into place some things/processes that will make it easier for her to function, and make sure that she has what she needs to survive. Right now we are in the middle of showering her with Christmas gifts, thanks to so many Facebook friends! I’m so blessed to have really good, caring individuals that I’ve met there and I choose to keep them around in my life! Such GOOD we get accomplished as a tribe! Love and kindness really do go a long way in keeping people in your life.

I have plans to do some wildlife photography soon, while I still can. I’m writing again, while I still can. Last year I was diagnosed with diabetic retinopathy. In other words, the capillaries in the backs of my eyes have been bleeding. It clouds the vision over time. It has slowed drastically with my blood sugar more under control but the odds of me going blind in time are very high. My eyesight is not what it used to be and I have issues already. I miss little typos here and there. The doctors at the Kittner Eye Institue in Chapel Hill, NC,  also noticed that I have a cataract on my left eye. It isn’t really operable and it is from scar tissue, likely from blunt force trauma. Apparently, according to them, I’ve had it my whole life since infancy. It is very old and that explains a lot about my sensitivity to light. Lasting effects from childhood abuse I presume but don’t really know for sure. At any rate, my vision is an issue but I don’t intend to let it stop me. When the time comes, I’ll see about voice recognition software and dictate.

I’ve been playing guitar again over this last year. I promised myself that I’d do something for myself, personally enriching, for my 50th year on the planet. I’m having the time of my life with it. I used to noodle around with some chords a long time ago. I’ve picked guitars up and put them down a dozen times over the years. I never really got enthusiastically involved in practice and learning because I never really knew exactly where to start. Fender Play got me down the right path. Technology is so advanced these days that there are lessons online everywhere and I’m really absorbing them. I love it! Best thing I’ve ever done was to pick it up again.

I have plans to begin submitting articles, with wildlife and outdoor themes, to some magazines in the outdoor genre. I have lost a lot of weight in the last year and gained a little winter weight back but I’m on an indoor bike trainer that I was able to plop my Fuji mountain bike on so I am hoping to get that weight right back off plus some more. My mental state is free and easy these days. I’m not running from anything or to anything. I just AM. It’s a great place to be! I’m living life for me. I spread a little joy here and there and just work on being the best me that I can be. If everyone else did that, the world would be such a better place! Don’t you all agree?

Categories: ADHD, aging, child abuse, death, life lessons, love, self-help, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Today Marks a Year Here For Me! THANK-YOU ALL!




One year ago, today, I posted my first blog here. I started as a means to promote a book but it grew to be far more than that. At this very time, a year ago, I was dating someone. She was a nice enough person, but she was dry, spent far too much free time watching television and she didn’t have the same world views as I did. I used this blog to begin expressing all the emotions – the ups and the downs – that I felt.

The day I really knew Laura and I weren’t suited for each other, she called me from downtown Ft Myers. She had gone to meet friends for a walk/jog after work. She finished first and was sitting on a bench waiting for the others and talking to me on the phone. She had gotten a pizza slice at a street vendor in the area. She didn’t like the area of town and was complaining to me about how unsafe she felt. A man came and sat next to her, on the bench and she became totally freaked-out and informed that he was probably homeless and she could feel her skin crawling. I finally said to her, “Maybe he just wanted a slice of pizza because he was hungry?” S I L E N C E. She thought I was nuts and I thought she was out of touch.

Here I am, 365 days later. I’m free and single, 1500 miles away from where I was. I’m now in Illinois, but I am planning a return to Florida in the winter. I’m thinking of making it my permanent home again, but I’m playing it by ear – as I always do. I’ve learned to do what feels right in my gut. It’s sort of a “I’ll know when I get there” sort of thing for me.

At any rate, I’ve met some truly amazing people over the last year. I’ve met writers, hitchhikers, homeless people, truck drivers, and made friends on Facebook with people from all over the world. I have people in my life that I’ve know for forty years and people that I’ve never met in person  – and they all touch me in wonderful ways.

In the last year, this blog has received fifty-eight THOUSAND page views. I’ve posted one-hundred twenty-one blogs which have received six-HUNDRED fourteen comments. I’ve gained seven-hundred  fans to my Facebook fan page, two-thousand four hundred blog subscribers, published ten books, traveled in five states, dated one person but broke-up with two , put two thousand miles on my RV and I lost my dog. Through it all, you guys have been there. Some of you have been there the whole year and some of you just hopped on this train. Let me warn you newbies, it’s fast moving sometimes!

This all humbles me very much and it makes me smile. I never thought in a million years that I would have come so far in a year. I simply wanted to do what made me happy. I’ve always been a drifter and I’ve never been one to work anywhere at a j.o.b. for long. I get bored with that sort of stuff. Writing allows me to use my imagination. Fiction work is a way that I can escape reality and use my artistic side. Non-fiction work gives my inquisitive side a reason to learn more about the topics that interest me. I truly get the best of everything as a writer.

My friend’s four-year old is at that stage where he asks about everything. When he asks, “what is compost?” and then follows it up with, “why?” I can answer him. Sometimes he asks me things like, “How do combines work?” I do my best to answer him in ways that he can understand but are truly informational. I don’t believe in talking down to children if it can be helped. He once looked at me and asked, “How do you know so much?” *insert HUGE smile* I took the opportunity to tell him that school played a large part in it (because he also doesn’t like school very much yet) and then I followed with, “I’m writer, that’s just what I do. I put things into words so that other people can learn about things too.” He smiled and paused before the onslaught of questions started again. I love that he asks questions. It reminds me to stop and look at the world through his eyes sometimes. Children can give you a very unique perspective.

For all these things, I’m thankful. I am thankful for the people who remind me that a writer sees the world from a different view than others do. An artist looks at a flower and pictures it on canvas. A photographer sees things in still frames. I see the story in everything. Words are my paint and my laptop is my brush. I don’t strive for perfection, only the satisfaction of telling the story. Today, I thank YOU for allowing me to tell my stories. I value your input, your comments, your thoughts and reflections on my work. and when you tell me that something I have written has helped you in some way. I treasure the emails from fans who tell me that I’ve helped them with a struggle or that I’ve put something into words when they could not.

Thanks for making it a wonderful year of growing, learning and sharing. I hope the next year is filled with much more of the same for all of us.

~ Jesse

My latest non-fiction was published yesterday.  “Incredible Edibles – Field Guide To Free Food. Please, check it out. 


Also, the follow-up book to “Twisted: Flashbacks” will be coming out soon. If you have not yet read the original, you can pick-up your copy here. This is a fiction novella with a follow-up novel coming very soon!



Categories: erotica, lesbian, life lessons, love, self-help | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Coming Home

I took this video in the mountain pass in the area of Chattanooga, TN. Since coming through here as a child, I’ve NEVER seen the waterfalls like this. In Colorado, this is normal, but a rare sight in Tennessee. It had been raining there for three days straight and MUCH was under water. I drove in rain and sleet here.

26 cars in the ditch, 1 jack-knifed semi, 1 RV in the ditch, one bumper pull camper with the side ripped half off….all in Tennessee. I spent a total of almost 4 hours standing still or creeping in traffic before I would FINALLY get beyond Nashville. I was unimpressed as evidenced by this photo.

Very aggravated at this point...and thought I'd record the moment, so I could show everyone what I was going through.

Very aggravated at this point…and thought I’d record the moment, so I could show everyone what I was going through.

…and this is what I was staring at….


THEN I hit KY and got caught in a blizzard! I drove 40 mph across the west end of KY in a blizzard, at night. Thankfully, once I hit Southern IL, the roads were dry. I took no photos in KY for two reasons, it was too dark and I was not letting go of the wheel with both hands!

Running low on gas and finding nowhere to get gas, I pulled into a station and slept until they opened. It was 15 degrees that night. That cat and I slept in the sleeping bag together.

This is Theo. He was purring. Kirby was on top of me on the outside of the bag...but I wasn't coming out to take his pic!

This is Theo. He was purring. Kirby was on top of me on the outside of the bag…but I wasn’t coming out to take his pic!

All said and done, I made it to IL in one piece. I did some good deeds along the way….

Just paying things forward a lil'.

Just paying things forward a lil’.

I met some interesting people, like this homeless guy who kept telling me what an awesome woman I was….he also thought he was Moses….I’m still awesome though, right??

He finally told me his real name was Phillip, he's a war vet and he panhandles in Palatka, FL for money to live on. I think he also has mental challenges. So sad.

He finally told me his real name was Phillip, he’s a war vet and he panhandles in Palatka, FL for money to live on. I think he also has mental challenges. So sad.

…then there was Scott, who lives in his car and couldn’t be happier. He goes down to Daytona and sleeps sometimes, then comes back to the Flying J in St Augustine, FL.

Far too old to be living like this, but don't tell him that. He's happy. Told me he lives on $687 a month. He asked me to help him with his computer several times. It was a gift from his daughter.

Far too old to be living like this, but don’t tell him that. He’s happy. Told me he lives on $687 a month. He asked me to help him with his computer several times. It was a gift from his daughter.

All this so I could go from here:

Fort Myers, FL - Bunche Beach

Fort Myers, FL – Bunche Beach

To arrive here:

The Starbucks where I kissed the love of my life for the first Moline, Illinois

The Starbucks where I kissed the love of my life for the first time…in Moline, Illinois

Honey, I’m home! 🙂

Categories: lesbian, love | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Miles Just Keep Rollin’


I-295 Bridge just south of city of St Augustine. Just another mile marker on the journey.

I-295 Bridge just south of city of St Augustine. Just another mile marker on the journey.



Wow, the song says so much that I feel. The separation is so hard. Just laying bed in wanting something as simple as looking into your eyes, sometimes feels like I’m asking the universe for miracles that are too difficult to even imagine. You email first thing in the morning with something so cute that makes me smile before my feet have even hit the floor just made my day.

With everything I’ve been through in the last two years and knowing what you’ve been through too, makes me think that we were supposed to find ourselves first, so that we could find our ways back to each other…I think that we are better equipped to handle at what life throws at us. This time I think that we can handle it all – together.

I’m working so hard to get back to you. Pavement runs hot under these heavy wheels, and people stop to say hello everywhere I go. I feel like everyone on the planet is cheering for me to get back and hold you in my arms. Even the straight people. I think that they see the look on my face and there’s no denying to anyone, straight or gay, that the love that I can’t hide is right there, naked for all to see. I’ve never hid what I feel very well. My face tells it all. I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

In reality, I don’t feel like I deserve the help and the kind words that people send my way. Complete strangers wish me well when they’ve got problems of their own. I feel so much humility. I love and appreciate every good thought out there and the people who say they live vicariously through me. They say that the love they see me expressing is touching them. Maybe we all hope for our ‘great love story?’  Will you be mine?

The world is such a small place, yet I’m so far away from your eyes and your arms. I dream about you, imagining that you are holding me tight. My mind transports me back to a time when I remember what your hair feels like, what you laying on top of me all night was like…and how I should have told what I felt back then. One of the few times in my life that I held something in … and now here I am, fighting my way back to you, one painful mile after mile.

With nothing but my thoughts to keep me company, I think about ways to make you smile and all the things I want to do for you and with you. I think about the things that I should have said to you so many months ago. I resolve myself to never make those mistakes again. You’ll always know how I feel and what I want from now on. I’ve grown very much since the last time that I held you in my arms and this time I am never letting you go.

You tell me that you like surprises, as long as they are good ones. The last time I saw your face in person was August 2011, a lot more than a hundred days….and I know that I won’t look at this the same. I told you that I am playing for keeps this time. I will be home in 23 days or less. I will never leave you behind again.

Categories: gay lesbian, lesbian, life lessons, love | Tags: , , , , | 1 Comment

Butch On The Loose!

Nothing but open roads to explore.

Nothing but open roads to explore!

I’m pretty sure that by now, you all have decided that I am a little crazy. If you haven’t, then I have news for you … YOU are a little crazy. 😉

So earlier this week I was excited about the prospect of going back to Missouri and building a cabin. I have reconsidered for several reasons and I can’t tell you all of it but I’m going to attempt to try to explain myself as much as I can. First of all, I think I made the decision too quickly. I was down and out at the time, at the end of a relationship that brought me to FL when I didn’t really wanna be here and I was just looking for a way to get out of this state as soon as I could. The first thought I had was to go back to where I was before the relationship started. It seemed reasonable to me at the time. After thinking it over, however; I’m convinced that I am learning more about myself every single day and going to a place with four walls is probably not what I am supposed to do for me.

As much as I hate to admit it, my mother knew me pretty well. She told me once that she had dated a guy before my dad who was in the military. She’d often thought that if she’d met him her life would’ve been very different – she’d have traveled the world and seen places that she’d never see. She said, “… don’t get me wrong, I love your father, but I have often wondered about the choices of my life and where they’ve led me.”  Then she studied me from across the table and said, “You’re like me. You also have the wanderlust.” Sigh….yes, I do and it is a curse.

Taking all this into consideration and realizing that I do indeed have a lust for travel and exploring life, settling down doesn’t really seem to be in my cards. I’ve decided why fight it? I have a chance that most people will never have in their entire life. I can go anywhere and do whatever I want.

Right now, I am continuing work on a character from one of my books that is already out. I can’t say much about the new project, but it is exciting and this character is going to moving around a lot and doing a lot of different things. I thought to myself, ‘why not go do those things myself and write about all of it first hand?” Not to mention that I can take the opportunity to meet with friends and fans all along the way, right?

I’m not one of those people who has an endless wallet by any means, so I’ll be traveling on the cheap. “Cheap” meaning  in ways that include boondocking and working from truck stops. (Boondocking is an RV term for sleeping in parking lots. McDonald’s, Pilot, Flying J and Walmart all allow boondocking for free and all of them except Walmart have free wifi, unless you are lucky enough to find a Walmart with a McDonald’s inside.) Cheap in a way that means going without electricity and cooking by fire at times, by gas camp stove and eating out of cans from time to time. Cheap in ways that means walking all around the restaurant for an outlet to charge your cell phone and just ordering a cup of coffee while your phone charges. It’s all good. I’ve been in training for all of that these past few months. I’m ready to go to the cheap living Olympics! If cheap living is a competition, then I am winning!

This is your official invitation to follow me on my adventures through my blog and read about the places through my characters – more details will be forthcoming on all that very soon! You’ve all been following me along on adventures for a very long time, but now the rules are changing and I am changing playgrounds completely. I’m up for meeting some of you and enjoying some adventures out on the open road.

I have some things to get in order here before I leave. First of all, I need some new tires ($750 minimum) and I’m going to have to limp along while I get two at a time most likely. I have to fix my oil pan leak ($30 or so), I need some miscellaneous things to fix my RV like a window replaced ($40), fixing a water leak from toilet pressure valve ($20), and coating the roof with a stop leak seal ($20). I really need you guys to keep reading! Each time the ads below are viewed, I earn a little. Each time you borrow one of my books on Kindle, I earn a little. When you buy a paperback or e-book I earn a few bucks. I appreciate each and every one of you more than you know! Because you read my stories and books, I get to eat. I know what it’s like not to eat and if you don’t think I do, go back and read a few blogs! If you really like my stories, you can help me a great deal by passing on the links to my blog or my books to friends. For Christmas consider buying one of my books and giving it as a gift. Okay, I’m done with the advertising. 🙂

The plan I have right now is leave where I am around the end of December or first week of January and head towards Atlanta, GA. This is the hometown of my character I am working on and I look forward to spending some time in Sam’s hometown and just gelling with the city. If any of you are in the Atlanta area, I’d love to meet you and for you to show me things in your city that you think I just can’t miss while I am there. I expect to travel Northward as the weather gets warmer and would like to see about hitting parts of the East coast. If you have adventures there that you’d like to introduce me to, especially if they can be written about in story lines, then by all means send me a comment or an email and let me know! I’ll consider it all. As the weather gets cooler in the fall, I’ll swing out West most likely and make my way to warmer places by winter of 2013 again.

The places will come to me as I decide to move further down the road. For now, all I know is that I will start working my way towards GA within the next 3 weeks. Buy my books and help me keep trucking! 🙂


Click image to be taken to my Amazon author page and see books available for purchase or to be borrowed!

Categories: equal rights, erotica, Free Books, gay lesbian, lesbian, life lessons, self-help | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

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