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Posts Tagged With: writing

Growing Old Is Getting Old

 

It has been a wild ride, these last 50+ years. This winter, the shoulder pain has been tougher than ever. CBD oil helps immensely though!. If you’ve not tried it, I highly recommend it. The oil helps my ADD and pain. I also recommend turmeric with curcumin. That stuff is an amazing natural anti-inflammatory and scientists agree that it has benefits and warrants more research. It works wonders for arthritis and joint pains from injury. Aches and pains are just there to remind us of the fun we’ve had I suppose, but growing old really does get old some days!

It’s good to be back here in a space I have always held so near to my heart. Butch Ramblings was my healing journey and my happiness. Ramblings was my home for a long time. I blogged my way through isolation, heartache, stupidity, growing pains and more. Someone once said to me that it was’ time I settled down and put down roots somewhere.’ That life isn’t meant for everyone. It isn’t meant for me. I’m an adventurer.

Don’t let people tell you what to do. You do what is best for yourself and you’ll always be fine. Trust me on that. These are my roots right here. This is my legacy. This website will be around long after I am gone. Hopefully that won’t be for a little while yet. On the other hand, if it happens tomorrow, I’m prepared. I’ve lived a good life and I’ve come to terms with most of the lessons I have learned along this path. I’ve had ups and I have had downs.

I’ve had many sleepless nights. I’ve had other nights where I have slept like a log. I have awakened with clarity over things I had been worried about. I’ve ruminated over a decision for far too long. I have still made the wrong choice. In fact, I’ve made a lot of bad choices. I’ve also made some pretty damned great choices. The universe is awesome that way because there is balance in everything we do. The wisdom that we receive, once we are open to it, is pretty amazing.

I have heard people whine about losing their trust of others. I’ve seen people place blame on everyone else in their life for all the messed up shit they have been neck deep in for years. At some point you have to take responsibility for yourself and realize that you’ve been an asshole to everyone around you and that’s why nobody sticks around. At some point you choose to trust or not to. You either get tired of living a life that is an empty shell or you get down in it and get dirty. Bathe in the mud!

I’m a mud bather. I admit it. If shit gets deep, I’ll swim out into it a little further just to see how deep it will get. I figure once I have some mud on my boots I may as well get really dirty. I take chances on people. I walk away from people fast too. Things that will get me to walk away fast are people who become passive aggressive. People who don’t know when to shut up or respect my space drive me cuckoo too. People who, in every single conversation, relive the past and place blame on other people constantly. That gets old really, really fast. At some point, stop being a victim in your own novel. Choose to be the hero.

That’s all of my deep thoughts for now. I’ll move on to reality. I am living with a friend who is letting me use her place as a staging area before I make a big move that I’m not quite ready to talk about yet. While here, I’m trying to help her as much as possible. She’s getting older and her house has been falling into disarray for the last few years. She broke her back and has had difficulty with mundane tasks. My goal is to do some work, help her put into place some things/processes that will make it easier for her to function, and make sure that she has what she needs to survive. Right now we are in the middle of showering her with Christmas gifts, thanks to so many Facebook friends! I’m so blessed to have really good, caring individuals that I’ve met there and I choose to keep them around in my life! Such GOOD we get accomplished as a tribe! Love and kindness really do go a long way in keeping people in your life.

I have plans to do some wildlife photography soon, while I still can. I’m writing again, while I still can. Last year I was diagnosed with diabetic retinopathy. In other words, the capillaries in the backs of my eyes have been bleeding. It clouds the vision over time. It has slowed drastically with my blood sugar more under control but the odds of me going blind in time are very high. My eyesight is not what it used to be and I have issues already. I miss little typos here and there. The doctors at the Kittner Eye Institue in Chapel Hill, NC,  also noticed that I have a cataract on my left eye. It isn’t really operable and it is from scar tissue, likely from blunt force trauma. Apparently, according to them, I’ve had it my whole life since infancy. It is very old and that explains a lot about my sensitivity to light. Lasting effects from childhood abuse I presume but don’t really know for sure. At any rate, my vision is an issue but I don’t intend to let it stop me. When the time comes, I’ll see about voice recognition software and dictate.

I’ve been playing guitar again over this last year. I promised myself that I’d do something for myself, personally enriching, for my 50th year on the planet. I’m having the time of my life with it. I used to noodle around with some chords a long time ago. I’ve picked guitars up and put them down a dozen times over the years. I never really got enthusiastically involved in practice and learning because I never really knew exactly where to start. Fender Play got me down the right path. Technology is so advanced these days that there are lessons online everywhere and I’m really absorbing them. I love it! Best thing I’ve ever done was to pick it up again.

I have plans to begin submitting articles, with wildlife and outdoor themes, to some magazines in the outdoor genre. I have lost a lot of weight in the last year and gained a little winter weight back but I’m on an indoor bike trainer that I was able to plop my Fuji mountain bike on so I am hoping to get that weight right back off plus some more. My mental state is free and easy these days. I’m not running from anything or to anything. I just AM. It’s a great place to be! I’m living life for me. I spread a little joy here and there and just work on being the best me that I can be. If everyone else did that, the world would be such a better place! Don’t you all agree?

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Categories: ADHD, aging, child abuse, death, life lessons, love, self-help, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Butch On The Loose!

Nothing but open roads to explore.

Nothing but open roads to explore!

I’m pretty sure that by now, you all have decided that I am a little crazy. If you haven’t, then I have news for you … YOU are a little crazy. 😉

So earlier this week I was excited about the prospect of going back to Missouri and building a cabin. I have reconsidered for several reasons and I can’t tell you all of it but I’m going to attempt to try to explain myself as much as I can. First of all, I think I made the decision too quickly. I was down and out at the time, at the end of a relationship that brought me to FL when I didn’t really wanna be here and I was just looking for a way to get out of this state as soon as I could. The first thought I had was to go back to where I was before the relationship started. It seemed reasonable to me at the time. After thinking it over, however; I’m convinced that I am learning more about myself every single day and going to a place with four walls is probably not what I am supposed to do for me.

As much as I hate to admit it, my mother knew me pretty well. She told me once that she had dated a guy before my dad who was in the military. She’d often thought that if she’d met him her life would’ve been very different – she’d have traveled the world and seen places that she’d never see. She said, “… don’t get me wrong, I love your father, but I have often wondered about the choices of my life and where they’ve led me.”  Then she studied me from across the table and said, “You’re like me. You also have the wanderlust.” Sigh….yes, I do and it is a curse.

Taking all this into consideration and realizing that I do indeed have a lust for travel and exploring life, settling down doesn’t really seem to be in my cards. I’ve decided why fight it? I have a chance that most people will never have in their entire life. I can go anywhere and do whatever I want.

Right now, I am continuing work on a character from one of my books that is already out. I can’t say much about the new project, but it is exciting and this character is going to moving around a lot and doing a lot of different things. I thought to myself, ‘why not go do those things myself and write about all of it first hand?” Not to mention that I can take the opportunity to meet with friends and fans all along the way, right?

I’m not one of those people who has an endless wallet by any means, so I’ll be traveling on the cheap. “Cheap” meaning  in ways that include boondocking and working from truck stops. (Boondocking is an RV term for sleeping in parking lots. McDonald’s, Pilot, Flying J and Walmart all allow boondocking for free and all of them except Walmart have free wifi, unless you are lucky enough to find a Walmart with a McDonald’s inside.) Cheap in a way that means going without electricity and cooking by fire at times, by gas camp stove and eating out of cans from time to time. Cheap in ways that means walking all around the restaurant for an outlet to charge your cell phone and just ordering a cup of coffee while your phone charges. It’s all good. I’ve been in training for all of that these past few months. I’m ready to go to the cheap living Olympics! If cheap living is a competition, then I am winning!

This is your official invitation to follow me on my adventures through my blog and read about the places through my characters – more details will be forthcoming on all that very soon! You’ve all been following me along on adventures for a very long time, but now the rules are changing and I am changing playgrounds completely. I’m up for meeting some of you and enjoying some adventures out on the open road.

I have some things to get in order here before I leave. First of all, I need some new tires ($750 minimum) and I’m going to have to limp along while I get two at a time most likely. I have to fix my oil pan leak ($30 or so), I need some miscellaneous things to fix my RV like a window replaced ($40), fixing a water leak from toilet pressure valve ($20), and coating the roof with a stop leak seal ($20). I really need you guys to keep reading! Each time the ads below are viewed, I earn a little. Each time you borrow one of my books on Kindle, I earn a little. When you buy a paperback or e-book I earn a few bucks. I appreciate each and every one of you more than you know! Because you read my stories and books, I get to eat. I know what it’s like not to eat and if you don’t think I do, go back and read a few blogs! If you really like my stories, you can help me a great deal by passing on the links to my blog or my books to friends. For Christmas consider buying one of my books and giving it as a gift. Okay, I’m done with the advertising. 🙂

The plan I have right now is leave where I am around the end of December or first week of January and head towards Atlanta, GA. This is the hometown of my character I am working on and I look forward to spending some time in Sam’s hometown and just gelling with the city. If any of you are in the Atlanta area, I’d love to meet you and for you to show me things in your city that you think I just can’t miss while I am there. I expect to travel Northward as the weather gets warmer and would like to see about hitting parts of the East coast. If you have adventures there that you’d like to introduce me to, especially if they can be written about in story lines, then by all means send me a comment or an email and let me know! I’ll consider it all. As the weather gets cooler in the fall, I’ll swing out West most likely and make my way to warmer places by winter of 2013 again.

The places will come to me as I decide to move further down the road. For now, all I know is that I will start working my way towards GA within the next 3 weeks. Buy my books and help me keep trucking! 🙂

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Categories: equal rights, erotica, Free Books, gay lesbian, lesbian, life lessons, self-help | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

A Tease To My Novel: Love Me Like I Least Deserve It

The doorbell jarred Jaime out of dreamland, and the dog started barking at the intrusion to the morning silence. Where the hell is my robe?, Jaime thought to herself. She moved to find her robe. It was early and all she had on were her boxer shorts and a tee shirt. No way was she answering the door in that. She retrieved her robe from the back of the bathroom door, where it had probably been for several months, and then drug her way to the front door. She was still half asleep.

Jaime reached for the door, turned the knob and opened it. Standing before her was a gorgeous, blonde woman, as if she had been placed there by the universe. Jaime couldn’t help but look her up and down. The woman was wearing a green dress that stopped just above the knees, high-heels, and was carrying a purse that was designer and sporting perfectly manicured nails with red nail polish. In an instant she had determined the woman was about a size 8. Hello! Jaime took a lot of pride in knowing her woman’s sizes. It was sort of a butch thing.

Jaime was definitely a masculine woman. Her hair was cut in a very military style, as if she had just gotten out of boot camp somewhere. For a female, Jaime was pretty tall, at five foot nine inches in stature. She also was very muscular for a woman. It seemed to just come naturally. All her life she had worked on farms and around animals, and it showed. Her ‘style’ is jeans, tee shirts or button down shirts. Getting dressed up in Jaime’s world, meant putting on her fancy boots and new jeans. Once in awhile she might be talked into a nice jacket and slacks…but you can be sure that she’ll have her wallet in her back pocket. Most of the time, in public, Jaime was referred to as “sir”, and this didn’t really bother her. Using public restrooms could be uncomfortable from time to time, but mostly she thought of it as more of a compliment when people mistook her for a man. Jaime was a proud, butch lesbian; happy to be a woman, but just as happy to look like a man.

Jaime had to gather herself for a couple of seconds, before she could muster, “Hi, can I help you?” For a quick few seconds, the other woman seemed to be also gathering herself, perhaps taken back by the woman in front of her? Jaime smiled, she was used to it. The woman looked at her with big, brown eyes (something that Jaime found irresistible) and answered with a flustered and desperate tone, “Yes, I was on my way to a friend’s and my tire has gone flat. I have my cell phone with me but I am getting no reception out here and I am just really in a bind. Could I possibly use your phone?”

Jaime stepped aside and motioned for the woman to come in. It was raining and Jaime was the ‘gentlemanly’ sort. Always help a woman in need, this was her old-school, butch motto. Jaime was the type to hold the door for people and help them into a chair…especially those of the feminine persuasion. She was trying very hard not to gawk at this woman at her door, as she watched her walk past.

“Sure, the phone is over there on the desk. Do you need a phone book?” “No, I have my my friend’s number here in my phone, but thank-you”, responded the beautiful blonde. As she walked by, Jaime couldn’t help but smell the perfume and before she even thought about it, she remarked, “I love the perfume you are wearing. That’s really nice.”

The woman smiled and tossed over her shoulder as she walked by, “Thank you! It’s Burberry…London.” The stranger in front of her dressed well, everything about her was coordinated and put together with great care. While the woman talked with her friend, Jaime made her way to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. She pulled two cups out of the cupboard for the unexpected guest. As she’s waiting for her coffee to brew, Jaime couldn’t help but look at the woman in her living room and admire her legs, and follow them up and down a few times. The mystery woman had high cheek bones and a small, well-shaped nose that fit her face perfectly. Her neck was long and slender and lead down into the cleavage of her dress. She had really nice curves, in all the right places. Breathe, Jaime….breathe. Okay, maybe if someone like THAT wanted to be my girlfriend, I might change my mind about not dating.

The woman hangs up the phone and Jaime abruptly diverts her gaze to her coffee cup and collects herself. This is why I used to love mirrored sunglasses, as I recall. “Would you like a cup of coffee? It’s cold out there this morning.”

The woman steps towards her and smiled, “Oh, that would be so nice! Thank you. Yeah, it is very cold out this morning and I’m afraid I look like a mess. My hair got all wet and my clothes are wet…I must look like a drowned rat!” The comment makes Jaime smile because this woman couldn’t look a mess if she tried. Once the coffee finished brewing, she poured a cup for her guest and handed it to her, “ Would you like a towel or something? A blanket?” the blonde beauty takes the cup from Jaime and responds, “A warm towel might actually be nice? I’m freezing!” she continued, “My friend is going to come and get me but it may take a while, she’s a good 20 miles away and wasn’t dressed to leave the house. Will I be inconveniencing you to wait here for her? I’m so sorry…I can tell I must have woke you when I rang your doorbell!”

In true butch fashion, before she even can think about it, Jaime’s mouth opened and poured out, “Of course, no problem at all. Make yourself at home. It was time I got up anyway.” Immediately, Jaime thinks to herself, Dude, you just love torturing yourself, don’t you?

“Have a seat if you like”, Jaime motions to the sofa.

“Thank you so much, I really don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been home. There really isn’t anything out here. By the way, my name is Kim.”

She extends her hand and Jaime takes it and responds, “I’m Jaime, nice to meet you. Yeah, there isn’t another house for about two miles. You picked a bad place to have a problem with a tire. Do you have a spare? I mean, I could probably change it for you if you wanted?”

Kim looks at Jaime and smiles, “I am sure you could! No, my spare is flat, I already looked. My husband was supposed to take care of that weeks ago. But you know how men are!”

Jaime thinks to herself ‘no, I don’t’, but she laughs and says, “Oh yeah…I have brothers.”

Kim sort of cocks her head to one side and half smiles. “Yeah. Well, men are hard to live with. My husband drives me crazy. He procrastinates about anything that needs to be done, for me or for the house. Now, if it is for HIM or his job, then he is all over it!”

Jaime comes back from the bathroom with a towel, which she hands to Kim. Then she turns around to the wood stove and begins placing some newspaper in the bottom and some small pieces of kindling. It takes her just a couple of moments to have a small fire crackling. Kim was watching her and studying her. Jaime had a strong jawline, her hair was cut in a mans style crew cut. She had on jeans now, a pair of hiking boots and her shirt was a button-down striped shirt over a navy blue, long-sleeved Henley. Different for a woman…but somehow it works for her.

She was smiling as Jaime turned and walked over and plopped down in the recliner and casually said, “Yeah, I have a good friend who goes through the same thing with her husband. He’s a great guy but he leaves her home alone a lot, doesn’t really do anything to help her around the house and is sort of an absentee husband. Matter of a fact, he doesn’t even take out the trash.”

Kim shakes her head, stares into her coffee cup and softly says, “Yes, I completely understand what your friend is going through. Cal, my husband, is a real estate agent. He makes good money and I have never had to go without anything. We have a nice home, nice cars and he will buy me anything I want, but sometimes I feel like he is buying my faithfulness to him and our marriage. He knows that I am not happy with him and the hours he works and spends away from home. He also doesn’t seem to care.”

Jaime studies Kim’s face for a few moments. It’s clear that the woman was very sad. Still, it was surprising that someone could have designer clothes, shoes, perfume, drive fancy cars and yet still be totally unhappy. Suddenly Jaime thought that her own life wasn’t really so bad. “You know, if you aren’t happy, then why do you stay?”, she tossed out. Playing devil’s advocate was always her most favorite thing to do. She never did it to start trouble, she enjoyed inciting deep conversations and philosophical debates. Ever since studying anthropology at the University of Arkansas, Jaime was very interested in cultures and the things that made people tick.

Kim looked up from her coffee cup and seemed almost defeated, “When you get married young, and you have more or less always been a ‘kept woman’, it just isn’t that easy. Sometimes I wish I had the nerve to leave. I never went to college. I have never had a job. I don’t even know what I could do to support myself?”

“So is that the ONLY reason you stay?”, Jaime inquired of the stranger on her sofa.

“Not entirely,” Kim replied “he doesn’t make me feel loved or appreciated anymore though. Some days I just want to strangle him, like today. I wouldn’t be sitting here on your sofa, bothering you at an early hour, if he’d done what I asked him to do. You’d think MOST husbands would be concerned that their wife was safe and they would even drop what they were doing to come help. Nope, not Cal. He is just so totally self-absorbed and money driven. Sometimes, I wish we didn’t have money, then our lives wouldn’t have to revolve around it so much. You know?”, she looked at Jaime with questioning eyes.

Jaime stood, and reached for Kim’s coffee cup, “Yes, I do know. I just got out of a pretty bad relationship a few months ago. We were together for a long time and my partner was totally career driven and all about money. In the end, she cheated on me with someone from work.” She waited for the response. The look or the comment that generally comes when someone ‘gets it’. It didn’t come. She poured them fresh cups of coffee and handed Kim her cup. Kim smiled in thanks and commented, “I know that must have been very hard for you. How long were you and she together?”

“Seven years.”, was Jaime’s short response. Even now, it was hard to talk about. The pain seemed not so long ago, the day she had walked in and caught them together. She had suspected something was going on for a very long time, but anytime she brought it up or tried to talk about it, arguments ensued. In the end, she had been right all along, but somehow she would rather have been completely wrong about that one thing in her life.

Kim had been studying Jaime again, as she poured the coffee. Her hands were large, like a man’s, yet there was something almost pretty about them. Jaime has very pretty, no….handsome actually, with blue eyes and a relaxing voice. It was hard not to be drawn to this woman in front of her. She could see that there was still pain in her eyes and she immediately wanted to know more about her. “So how long have you been a lesbian?”, the question snapped Jaime back out of her train of thought. She smiled at Kim, “I always knew. I can’t remember not knowing. I was looking at little girls when I was still in grade school.”

“Wow, really?”, Kim was leaning back on the sofa and she kicked off her shoes and curled them up under her as she asked the question. “Yeah,”, Jaime replied, “I had the biggest crush on this girl that was in my class. It went on for years. It was really horrible for me because she was a close friend and I just had it SO bad for her. I was always petrified someone would find out.”

Jaime thought to herself that it was true you couldn’t judge a book by its cover. Kim was actually pretty cool. For all the looks of ‘high and mighty’, she was really a pretty down to earth person, sitting on the sofa with her legs crossed under her and the towel she had dried her hair with was across her lap. Her hair was still damp, but it was beautiful. It hung down past her shoulders and framed her face perfectly.

“How long have you been out then? I mean…I guess I am assuming that you are out. You ARE out of the closet aren’t you? That is how you say it, right?”, Kim’s line of questioning continued, much to Jaime’s amusement. She sort of liked when people asked questions about what it was like being gay. It made her feel that there actually were people out there who wanted to learn and be more open. It seemed amazing compared to what life had been like all those years ago. “I have been out for twenty-five years. A lot has changed in those twenty-five years.”

Kim scooted forward a little, “Like what? Do you feel more accepted? I mean, I have met a lot of gay people in the last few years and it seems like they are living more openly. I don’t really remember meeting any gay people when I was younger. Maybe I just wasn’t paying attention?”

Jaime lifted her coffee cup to her lips and thought about her response for a moment. She swallowed her mouthful of coffee, noting that it wasn’t as hot as it had been, and replied, “Well, it COULD be that you weren’t paying attention as a child because you wouldn’t have thought there was a thing wrong with it yet. Then society had a chance to indoctrinate you into what the general consensus on being gay is and make you think it was wrong? Of course, there is also the possibility that people are coming out of the closet younger and definitely are more comfortable in living out in the open. Times have changed for sure. Not that it is really THAT much safer, because the world is still a dangerous place if you are gay.”

“The world is a dangerous place, even if you are straight, honey”, Kim replied softly and gave Jaime a sweet smile.

All Jaime could think was that this woman, gorgeous as hell and sitting on her sofa, just called her HONEY. She could feel her cheeks turning hot and the surprise she felt for it only succeeded in making her even more crimson.

Kim just sat and smiled at her, obviously noticing. The silence was deafening for a moment. Since hitting her forties, Jaime had sometimes felt like a teenage boy. She’d think to herself, this MUST be what they feel like. It seemed that she was constantly turned-on by the slightest things and she found it to be mighty uncomfortable sometimes, like right now. Kim was totally her type of woman. Jaime was a proud, butch woman who favored very feminine women. Not all butch women did. Some opted for relationships with other butch women but Jaime just couldn’t imagine NOT being with a femme. She loved long hair, the smell of perfume, skirts, heels. God, heels were SO hot. Oh how she loved to kiss a sexy foot, with painted toe-nails and lick... KNOCK-KNOCK. The sound of someone at the door snapped Jaime out of another of her ‘teenage boy’ episodes. Thank God I can’t get a stiff dick, or I’d really be in trouble this very moment, she thought to herself as she made her way to the door. Kim was already standing, straightening out her skirt, assuming it was her friend to come get her.

Jaime opened the door. A woman was standing there. Kim spoke from behind Jaime, “Hi Sarah! Thanks so much for coming out here to get me.” Jaime motioned for her to come inside, as it was still raining. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”, Jaime offered, holding up her cup of now cold coffee.

“Oh, no thanks. I already had my cup on the way out here… got some left in the car, but I appreciate the offer. Are you ready to go Kim? I thought we could just go have breakfast in town and stop to have Ryan’s garage come out and change your tire while we eat?”

Kim turned to grab her purse from the sofa, but Jaime was already standing there holding it out to her. Kim smiled and as she reached out to take the purse, she put an arm around Jaime and kissed her on the cheek, “Thanks for rescuing me today. You were so kind. Maybe someday we can continue our conversation? I’d love to talk more.” Jaime was so flustered by the kiss on the cheek that all she could manage was a nod and an “Uh huh, sure, anytime.”

Just as Kim was walking out the door, Jaime raced to the kitchen, reached in a drawer and came back, “Here, Kim. It’s my business card…in case you ever need anything. I am sort of a broker for people who sell recycled home building materials and household goods and furnishings.”

Kim’s face lit up and she responded, “See! I knew there was a reason to talk to you again, you KNOW this girl loves to shop!” She winked at Jaime just before she turned around to walk away. Jaime stood in the doorway, talking to herself softly, “Turn around and look. If you turn around and look back…” Just before Kim got to Sarah’s car, she turned around and shot a smile right at Jaime, as if she had felt her watching the whole time. Jaime blushed and stepped back inside quickly and shut the door. She leaned back against the door and rolled her eyes to the ceiling, “Damn teenage boy hormones!”, she chided herself as she walked towards the kitchen for hot coffee. Today was already interesting and she hadn’t even left the house.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

My Morning Coffee Went Down Well With Pink Shoes

Doc Martens, if I was going to wear a pink shoe, these would be it.

I have to say that it hasn’t been a terrific morning so far. I live in an RV, which normally is actually quite nice.I enjoy not having a lot of space to keep clean, there’s far less housework and the kitchen is small, so no way to really clutter it up more than it would take a few minutes to clean. This morning was not a normal morning, however.

For those of you who are not aware, RVs have a/c units that are typically either “on” or “off”. In other words, they don’t have a thermostat. My a/c has been running constantly, all night long and all day long for several days. I woke up this morning to water dripping on my face, from condensation that had accumulated inside because it was 7 am and already 79% humidity outside and pushing 80 degrees.

So I jump up from a sound sleep into a standing position on my bed, flinging the cat off of me and scaring him half to death. I check the ceiling thinking I have a leaking roof – I don’t. After wiping moisture with my hand a few times and seeing the condensation on all the windows, I realize what is going on and know I REALLY need a cup of coffee. I get up and take the dog out, turn the water on and make myself a pot of coffee. As the coffee brews, it is time to check my emails.

I awake to find that I am still being “stalked” by someone whom I’d hired to do a job. I haven’t paid her and there are reasons that I have not paid her. For starters, it was a writing job and 47% (according to CopyScape) was plagiarized. Secondly, even though she tried to fix it, I ended-up doing more than half the rewrites myself, the job didn’t get finished on time and it cost me a potential contract for $1000 per month in business. Even with the rewrites, the client wasn’t happy and it lowered my 5 star rating to a 4 star, which was a huge blow. Since the job was late and I was counting on the money several days earlier, I ended-up stuck waiting to be paid so that I could take the RV on down the road. I was nowhere near a campground and had to “boondock” in a parking lot with no a/c in 90+ degree heat because I didn’t have the gas to risk going any further. At only 7 mpg, it wasn’t a chance I was willing to take.

To be honest, the rules of the site that I use for contracting people clearly state that I do not have to pay for plagiarized work, in fact … it is a VERY serious offense that I could turn them in for. Instead, I choose to just ignore them at this point, having no need or desire to destroy their writing career. However, they seem to be enjoying stalking me and trying to intimidate me by mentioning that they’ve seen my new website, seen my posts, etc. Well, to them I say “good for you”. I have very little respect for anyone who copies work from another writer, regardless of where you copied it from – I don’t care that it was from other websites, it was still copying and pasting someone else’s work – and I’ve been stalked by MUCH crazier people. In my most sarcastic tone I like to say, “You haven’t truly lived until you’ve had at least ONE Facebook stalker.”

Now I am trying to get my head in the game so that I can finish this e-book that I’ve been working on. It’s a ghost writing project and I really need to get it done, so I can get paid for it. As you all know, writing for money is a feast or famine business sometimes and we really need to get those jobs done to keep money coming in. I finally pick my coffee cup up and start to take a drink when I realize that there are three ants floating in the top of my cup. Sigh… welcome back to Florida, realm of the bugs.

My morning has been a bit strange, but thankfully I logged in to write something this morning, as a warm-up before starting on the book. It was then that I saw the photo at Delusion By Design’s page  (When In Doubt Wear Pink Shoes) that helped me put the whole world into perspective. Thank-you DBD! Now I can drink my coffee, work on my book and know that the world outside my door is just as crazy as the world inside my door. 😉

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Getting Into Character

I’m working on a new character for a series of books. She’s going to be a rather dark figure, with a lot of issues. I am finding myself getting a little depressed as I delve into the trenches of this girl’s life. Part of me wonders if she is something outside of myself or if she is a part of me that I have personally yet to deal with?

As writers, we are similar to actors in that we get “into character” and we begin to almost “live” in the shoes of our characters. In this character development phase, it is new and almost overwhelming…but I think that the most overwhelming thing is the fact that I know it represents some part of ME. I don’t like this girl very much, yet she is me. I can see that. 

Writing has always been cathartic for me, but this time…it may be a lesson in getting psychiatric help? Part of me worries that I’ll pull a Heath Ledger and get so depressed by this character that I end up on sleeping pills and anti-depressants. 

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